Kyle and I moved to Savannah almost 2 years ago. We had been living in Orlando, FL and didn’t have a whole lot going for us. He had lost his job and his local job searches had been fruitless. I had recently taken on the role of “Stay at Home Mom” and he wanted it to stay that way so we broadened our search nationwide to find a job for him. The first one that came calling was here in Savannah so we took it.

I let Kyle make the final decision. He’s the breadwinner and I wanted him to be happy, even if that meant staying in Orlando without a job. We spent a few days talking about it and he eventually decided that he would take the position here. I stayed in Orlando until April 1 which was just enough time for Kyle to decide that he either did or did not want to stay with this company. Clearly he stayed.

The first year was incredibly difficult. I found it hard to make friends and the ones that I did make weren’t people that I ended up gelling with for this reason or that. I was suffering from Postpartum Depression and Kyle was working long hours in a job that he felt frustrated with.

Just before Grady was born, he got a promotion to Assistant Restaurant Manager at a super nice restaurant. It was the same company but a different property and the change was exhilarating.

In the past year, I’ve made some really quality friends whom I adore. In the past 6 months, I’ve made even more friends and I can’t fathom leaving them right now.

But there’s this itch inside of me that’s ready to jump right out of my skin.

I’m ready to leave Savannah and all of it’s Old-South nastiness. I won’t go into why I don’t love it here, but I don’t feel settled. Rooted.

Kyle’s “new” job is even more taxing than the last and it has made family life less than desirable for all 5 of us. Until Kyle got 2 weeks off over Christmas and New Year’s, Grady was terrified of him. He never saw him and didn’t know who on earth the strange man who was occasionally in our house was. Luckily, Grady loves his Daddy now but Kyle’s job hasn’t changed, although something is brewing, we just don’t know what.

If I had it to do over again, I’d still leave the decision up to him, and I would still have moved here. We needed a job, some freedom, and Kyle needed the opportunity to prove that he was more than just a recent College Graduate with no experience or fresh ideas up his sleeves.

He has accomplished that and now I’m ready to go.

I want to feel the snow on my cheeks again. I want to speed down a mountain on a pair of skis that belong to ME. I want my kids to be able to make snow forts in the front yard and discover that even though it’s freezing outside, an ice-pop will melt in said snow fort. I want to go outside and hike up a mountain. I want summers to be bearable. I want him to not work 80+ hours per week without getting paid a cent more than his 40 hour/week salary allows. I want access to real Farmer’s Markets and fresh, grass-fed beef. I want a freaking Pacific Salmon on my plate for dinner without having to sell one of my children on the black market.

I don’t know that I want to go home to Juneau.  It’s small and it has its own set of problems, like the fact that there’s really no mall to speak of and a limited housing market.

But I would love to travel West.  Idaho?  Washington?  Oregon?  Utah?  Somewhere we can go to a Football or Basketball game for date night.  Somewhere I can see a mountain from my kitchen window as I sip my coffee.

Will I always feel like this?  I can be happy anywhere but I don’t want to just be content with here.  I want home.  I want roots.

Just not here.  

I know something is on the horizon, I just don’t know what that something is right now and it’s driving me nuts.

SO in the mean time, I will rejoice in the fact that Kyle has a job that pays our bills, and find strength and solace in the wonderful friends that I have here.

But it won’t stop me from dreaming of home.